Unrequited Prayers
This collection is about grieving the on again off again relationship I had with my first love Adam. I prayed so many nights to gods I didn’t believe in to release me from the fate of us. Everything about him felt bigger than us….
Hera
Dear Adam,
I pray to god you never return. I’m happy and you always find a way ruin that. Your sweet talking words of forgiveness hold hollow with your jealous nature. You don’t want to marry me. You just want no one else to have me.
Morrigan
Dear Adam,
I named our daughter Morrigan, it was only 15 weeks and 4 hours of knowing but it felt right to grieve her with a name. fate and sovereignty who brought me too my knees. I’m sorry I didn’t call you in the hospital but I thought you wouldn’t answer and that would have killed me. If it’s any condolences those long months after your soothing words of “we lost a baby” were the only thing that kept me going. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed but thank you for saving me
Persephone
Dear Adam,
I’ve tried sleeping at night but I can’t, I’m haunted by the ghosts of at all, I still hear your voice and I know I’m nothing but a memory. I pace and pace and pray to whatever god may be listening. To you I’m a stolen queen who walked away so you could be with righteous in your path.
Hades
Dear Adam,
Do you ever think about mates. Is a soul mate the person who is exactly like you or is it the person that is the opposite? What do they mean when they say my other half? I’m pretty sure you are my reflection
Masters
Dear Adam,
Hell is the dry desert plains with not a tree in sight. Hell is the way puppeteers assure you no one will even think about you again. Hell was crying when I had to go back. Maybe one day I’ll tell you about all that he did but for now know that I’m sorry I chose wrong.
Inferno
Dear Adam,
Hell is the dry desert plains with not a tree in sight. Hell is the way puppeteers assure you no one will even think about you again. Hell was crying when I had to go back. Maybe one day I’ll tell you about all that he did but for now know that I’m sorry I chose wrong.
Pothos
Dear Adam,
You look happy. I’m sure she’s great but I’m so jealous. Every thought of her makes me feel ugly with how much I hate her. I’d be lying if I didn’t wish she’d cheat just so you’d feel as sad as I do. It feels like she stole you, you can’t steal people, but she did
Nyx
Dear Adam,
I lay awake asking the stars for a sign, when there are no stars I pray to a god I don’t believe in. The nights are so long with how much I miss you and the shadows scream your name as they dance across the wall mocking me. I wish I missed you less, it would be easier sleep
Furies
Dear Adam,
I tell my friends I’m going back to school to pursue my PhD so one day you’ll have to cite me. To them it makes sense as some sort of petty vindication of all those times you told me you’d go further in you career. But if we’re being honest I just want you to remember me.
Melino
Dear Adam,
I’m afraid everything is ruined for us. I’m so scared that I destroyed it all and you’ll never forgive me. I constantly think about what I could have done better and if you’ll ever forgive me. I wish we talked but it’s been a few years, I have the walls though. I truly lost you and that’s a fear I keep clawing at. I’d do anything to change the past.
Ophelia
Dear Adam,
I play that Lumineers song on never ending repeat. It feels like it was wrote about us and the music video being inspired by your favorite movie. I like to believe it’s a love song but I know it’s not. It’s about reminiscing on the past but knowing why things didn’t work out. I like to believe that knowing is the key to winning any battle and maybe it could have worked out.
Pandora
Dear Adam,
I think of you often. Just that I miss you, not daydreaming of a future. That would feel pretty silly, you’re just somebody that I use to know. But I think of you often and fondly and I miss how invincible I felt with you. Ultimately I paid for our hubris and you got off scot free. I think it makes me sad and unable to fully be myself anymore. That’s not really your fault, I fell from grace at my own hands and now penance is due. I hope one day you will return and recognize my hard work if only for a minute.
Oizys
Dear Adam,
How am I suppose to tell someone I love that they should care about me.
How can I tell you that I don’t think you’ll ever be a big enough man to address all the pain you caused me.
How to I tell you that I don’t think you’re strong enough to stand behind me and carry the burdens you caused.
Nemesis
Dear Adam,
I do want to be with you, I think it’s hard to admit given our past. I’m more cautious now and if we’re being honest the old you sucked. But something in me is screaming out for you. I want you to be as different as I am so maybe it’ll be the right time. I really don’t want to say goodbye but I know as long as there is even the slightest of micro chances I won’t ever be able to move on
Morningstar
Dear Adam,
It’s so weird talking to you now, you’re so different. I had never heard you stumble over your words, clearly trying to explain yourself so nervously, but also I had never heard you laugh. I’m sure we had joked before since you know my grin from getting under your skin but I’m just as sure I have never heard your laugh. It makes me smile when I think of it so warm and deep. I want to make you laugh a lot but it feels so dangerous. It feels like walking a tightrope over a pit of swords and the other side is everything I’ve wanted but below... I want to run so far from you because I know there is no way I make it across unscathed. You feel like too big of a bet and on the line is everything. I’m on a deadline and need to be serious about my future but you are just realizing you have a future and they feel so incompatible. But I love your laugh
Anteros
Goodbye Adam,
I feel like I’ve wrote you a hundred letters in the last couple years just to say that. They’ve always started with hello but I think I was really trying to say goodbye. I’ve been trying to let you go but couldn’t, I felt like we were too intertwined. The thing is you never treated me very well even when I asked directly for what I needed, and somehow it was always my fault. I spent years feeling guilty for how we ended and that I should have included you but the truth is I don’t think you would have given a shit then and I don’t think you believe me now. I don’t think you’ve ever given me the care or respect I deserve especially when all I asked for was to not be left in the cold and that’s what you always did. When you came back I asked for you to say goodbye if you ever left and you didn’t. I think that hurts the most because that’s all I wanted, I guess it’s all I ever wanted.
Elpis
Dear Adam
Thank you. Thank you for all you have given, invested, and grown. I am forever grateful to have had you in my life. I may have been your sunshine but you were my clear winter sky. With you I realized so much about myself and have grown. So much of our past was healed and and put to rest. I loved you so much and you made me so happy. You will forever be my guiding star and drop of hope